They know

It doesn’t seem possible that a week can have passed since Speech Day. The occasion marks a high point of the school year and at the same time the run into the end of term. I thought you might like to share in some of the thoughts flowing about the marquee.

I’m sure you are all familiar with the old story about the tourist in New York. Lost in The Big Apple, he asks a passer-by how to get to the famous Carnegie Hall… “Practise, practise, practise,” replies the native. (A bit cringey and maybe more a dad joke than anything humorous, but it has an important kernel). 

As everyone sat comfortably waiting to enjoy the achievements of the children at Speech Day, beaming with pride, basking or baking in balmy brilliance, the story of the awards was one of success – which is why my remarks were all about something else. A paean of praise to the almost, the might have been, the trials and mistakes, to all that is required to be really successful.

The RAF rejoice under the banner of a slogan much older than them – they borrowed it. Dating back to Horace, Seneca and Vergil, they purloined the legend that reads ‘per ardua ad astra’: through hardship to the stars.

Now we enter some dangerous territory. Over the course of any year at Embley, you will see a parade of successful pupils and a litany of achievements, but I ask you to remember something really important, that successful pupils are not defined by or limited to those in front of the camera or those holding the silverware. You see there is an inherent danger in prize givings or award ceremonies and this takes absolutely nothing away from the very fine and noble achievements of all those rightly lauded. The success is real, it’s deserved and genuine, but the award itself should not be confused with the story of how it was achieved. Rather like the tip of the iceberg, the main event, the real success, the actual deal lies beneath the surface.

The successes and adventures we experience have their source and origin in the best portion of a good life lived. There are the many and essential failures and false starts which flesh is heir to and about which we may well regret but rely on as the only way to success. That’s right, failing, difficulty and struggle are the only ways to success. Suppose I say to you that the object of study is not success no more than the object of life is to be happy. Would you be scandalised? Worried? 

The object of life is to be fulfilled and to live authentically, happiness is a product of this, not the goal.

…Hang on, happiness is not a goal?

My challenge today is to consider happiness and success in the same manner. They are both products of striving for something bigger, something better, something more. They are the consequence of living authentically, of giving your all to a purpose or a cause, to a team or a project, to an endeavour. They are both products of a fulfilled life.

Mistaking this has lots of us running around chasing fads and the next popular thing… Remember the last popular thing? Probably not, because they change so rapidly and therein is the rub.

The search for happiness in success is ephemeral, it passes. The focus on engagement, building skill, building knowledge, building understanding, the focus on practise, practise and practise, in pursuit of getting better is the route to authenticity, to a life well-lived and pulls happiness and success in its wake. This object is variously the service of others, the pursuit of a goal bigger than we are and to which we can contribute but not exhaust. 

Success, like happiness, is the product of focus, of striving and struggle. Struggle is not the enemy of progress nor success but the necessary companion. Struggle is intrinsic to the human condition: it is what we do and how we achieve. To avoid struggle is to deny our own humanity, our capacity to excel. To avoid struggle, encourages a collective giving up on our best in favour of what is immediate and consumable. The true victory is the endeavour. This is not an empty salute to ‘everyone who tries wins’. Life’s not like that. Everyone doesn’t get a prize, but all those who don’t try, who don’t struggle, must surely lose.

Nothing in life that is worthwhile is likely to be easy, in fact the more difficult the task the better, the deeper, the more lasting the outcome. In writing to the captain of one of our teams this year, I saluted the team’s success, but cautioned the team against enjoying the wrong thing. The silverware slips quickly and easily from our grasp so don’t hold it tightly. All those who collect their awards at Embley and all those who look on, all those who walk with them on their journey to understanding, and all those in the Embley family, understand this.

The elation of the moment is just that, of the moment. What lasts the test of time is of consequence; largely hidden, the silence of solitary study, the perseverance when the mood says quit, the resolve to fail then try, to fail again and fail better, the shared enterprise, reaching beyond what was thought possible, and the endeavour. Above all, the endeavour. 

Each pupil here knows to hold tightly the things that matter not the baubles of boastfulness. Whether they cross the awards stage or applaud those who do, they all know:

• They know the role of camaraderie, teamwork, of supporting others.

• They know that we will be happy and find success when we have given our all.

• They know the goal is to be their best and put their focus on being better.

But they don’t just know it, they don’t just understand it, I’m proud of them because they live it. It makes the world a better place. And it’s the Embley way.