Head's Blog | Funny old world | Embley School, Hampshire

Funny old world, isn’t it? It seems fair to say that the longer one is around, the more change you see, and yet the more things stay the same. In recent days and weeks, we have seen global repositioning, the like of which has not been witnessed for 80 years. The new horizon may or may not be permanent but it’s here and we must deal with it. Some commentators are asking how we cope in such turbulence, nationally and internationally but also among and within family life. A parent (Dr. B) asked about it and how we prepare students for the future last evening in school.

The challenges we are addressing are radically different from those we as children faced or those faced by our parents. But what are those challenges? Regardless of what is playing out on a world stage, the challenges children face are daily and immediate. The influence of media; ideas and opinions touted as ‘truths; the quest for identity and purpose which all call for discernment and authenticity. It seems to me though that the fundamentals have not changed at all.
 
What children need is no different today than it was in years gone by, even if the toys they occupy themselves with have changed out of all recognition. In talking about what children need and how to address that, we need to look at the source of the problem or the concern and not occupy our thinking on the manifestation of the problem. It would be like addressing the problems of the 1968 year of revolutions by assessing the width of flares and suggesting that a narrower fitting would solve all ills. Frank Zappa famously said that writing about music was like dancing about architecture, something irrelevant and to which we are largely indifferent. What do children really need? 
 
Children need parents to parent them and not be their ‘chum’, they need structure and boundaries, they need time and interactions at meaningful levels, they need to be engaged. I don’t mean to be unhelpfully provocative, children have chums, and you as a parent are unlikely to fit the bill. Ask who is really being served by the desire to be their chum? What need is being met? Children need to feel unconditional love, without question, and parents should provide it, but unconditional love does not mean unstructured living and open-ended demands. Unconditional love is not capitulation to whim and fancy. There are times when they, the children, don’t know what’s best, you as parent, do. They should row in behind. There is a time and a place for discussion, of course there is, but also a time and place for no, we are doing it my way. Does this sound too heavy handed? It isn’t meant to. But maybe we need to be a bit Nietzschean sometimes and philosophise with a hammer.
 
A child will lean into the boundaries and as they grow will push against them, but it is this straining that develops their character and sense of self. A climbing plant needs a support. It provides the compass lines that will allow them to navigate their own landscape when the time comes to leave home and set up on their own. Closer to our reality it allows them to navigate the playground of school life with all its own myriad interactions and functions, certain in the knowledge that they know the boundaries and respect their place within them. The boundary liberates it doesn’t enslave. Consider the paralysis that comes with total freedom, how are choices to be made? What voices inform decision making? What frame of reference do children have to use as their platform for self-actualisation?
 
The belonging children feel here, and the understanding they have that belonging comes with responsibility, deepens their allegiance, strengthens their sense of security and their ability to grow. This is all achieved with the feeling that they are accepted for themselves ‘just’ and beautifully as they are and the support they receive allows them to grow into that best version of themselves. Our children don’t need to fit in, they belong. To fit in means having to change me to be more like you, belonging is about being me with you.
 
Our approach is radically traditional. We avoid fads and the gimmicks the world throws our way. There is no money in our approach and, without being too cynical, it is unlikely it will be reported, get any airtime because no one makes a quick buck on a recipe of common sense and care. We resist the temptation by educational consultants and other providers to gamify our process. We are not entertainers and shouldn’t be. We work hard to avoid vacuous void echo chambers. In being sceptical of those who would encourage us to raise children’s so-called awareness, we are guardians of their innocence. Our approach is radically traditional. Funny old world indeed. What do you think Dr. B?